A look back and forward

As the year ends, I look back and realize that I don’t have it in me to make a list of achievements, or a top 10 of any kind. I realize that I am past that need for external validation and also that I would hate triggering anxiety to anyone feeling that they ought to have done more. It is inevitable, people compare their deeds and actions to those of others, and I would very much like to remain out of this unhealthy race.

Instead, I am sitting in my home in Kyiv, taking the opportunity to quietly reflect on what was meaningful to me this year. What I would like to bring into 2025 and what has been burdensome and must be left behind.

It has not been an easy year, but it has also been a good year in terms of personal growth. I have learned, I have grown, and I have outgrown sad or uncomfortable situations. I close this year as an eventful chapter of a book still being written, knowing that I did my best to cause no harm to others by words or actions, to stay true to myself, to report fairly and with my heart, and to remain kind although many a time it was tempting to give back the crap thrown at me by some people or circumstances. It was tempting to give up. To never get up again. To let despair overcome.

But in the end of the day, the best response to adversity is to continue to nourish one’s inner light, so as to be able to shine around others worthy of sharing it. Even when the flame is tenuous, it is worth keeping it alight, sheltering it until it shines brighter again.

In the end of the day, even when it seems that darkness prevails all around, it is worth walking a path of light. One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Until the clouds seem to give way to some blue sky. A blue sky that was always there. I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist – I am not sure it gets better, but I am sure it is worth hoping that it will, through setbacks, through betrayals, through death.

After all, why would we live for if not to thrive. Life must be worth it.

My point is: I am glad for anyone who lists and shares their achievements for this year. But also, if you have simply managed to go through life relatively unscathed, if you have managed to survive it and felt glimpses (or tons of) joy, kindness or love, this achievement is already huge.

Happy New Year to everyone.